Top 10 Reasons New York Yankees Fans Laugh At Red Sox Fans Who Hate the Champs

April 1, 2010   ·     ·   Jump to comments
Article Source: Bleacher Report - New York Yankees

Dear Red Sox fans,

As a Yankee fan, I’ll be the first to admit a little bias in my belief that the greatest organization in Major League Baseball plays in the Bronx.

However, the Boston media in general, and several publications and writers there in particular, have elevated the fan-baiting and rivalry-stirring between our two teams to childishly absurd proportions.

On the eve of the new season and with apparently nothing positive to write about, one writer wrote a story that caught my eye today, its premise being a list of the 10 best reasons to hate the Yankees.

My hurried posted comment there has attracted several dozen e-mails to my personal inbox in the hours since I left it, both pro and con; some from friends, and more than a few from critics of my past posts and comments here in Bleacher Report and elsewhere on the World Wide Web, daring me to re-post it here.

So, with only a few small revisions for the sake of grammar and syntax, here is my response. Please keep in mind these reasons are just rebuttals to the original writer’s own list of reasons.

Had I made my own list from scratch I’d have likely made an observation or two about the strange mass psychosexual obsession many of the male Sox fans appear to have with certain Yankee infielders.

But we should probably leave that article for someone else to do who possesses an advanced degree in abnormal psychology, not to mention a far stronger stomach for such peculiar perversions than I possess.

Let the spindling, folding, and mutilating commence.


10. The “Syndrome”

Let’s call this first reason the “pot calling the kettle black” syndrome. John Henry and his ownership group have as much personal and corporate wealth at their disposal as the Steinbrenner family. They just seem to always cheap out when it comes to locking up their best players in their prime, hoping instead for bargains to bloom from their compost pile, and too often they get it wrong.

For the 10 seasons from 2000 to 2009, the Red Sox have been the second biggest MLB payroll spenders, a decade during which the Bombers won two rings and made the playoffs every year but one. We don’t begrudge the two rings your owner bought during this same timeframe, but the hypocrisy of fans of the Red Sox, of all teams, to be crying about payroll differentials never ceases to amaze and amuse us.


9. Chicks Dig the Pinstripes

Pinstripes are just a way cooler signature look than two misshapen junior-sized condoms knotted together. Sure, other teams have worn pinstripes. But more All-Stars, Hall of Famers, and many, many, many more world champions have played in our pinstripes than all the other pinstripes combined.

That’s why when the phrase “putting on the pinstripes” appears in player biographies, interviews, and speeches—there’s no doubt whose pinstripes they mean. And that’s why the game’s best players—yours included—all long to play and get paid to do it in ours.


8. A Ballpark To Be Proud Of

Our stadium has always been more beloved and revered than your stadium. And all the fuss about the new Yankee Stadium’s aerodynamics to the contrary, the fact is its dimensions are identical to the old one.

It means the Yankees have been playing and winning championships in the same field configuration far longer than the so-called “most beloved” toilet Boston fans all complain about among themselves whenever Henry and company jack up the prices on you losers.


7. Stay Classy, Beantown

The Yankees age like fine wine because they are professionals who take care of themselves. All Yankee players benefit from superior coaching, training, and managing. It’s all about the choices you make and the company you keep.  

Everybody from Boston who roots for Yankee injuries while checking the DL for their own players’ names every morning, raise your hand. C’mon now, somebody out there isn’t being honest. Go read some of the gloating comments your fellow fans left on the many articles about Teixeira getting plunked by the O’s Guthrie the other day. That’s real classy company you keep.


6. Home-Grown Talent

The art of the deal starts and ends in the Bronx. The truly unsung part of this rivalry is the one between Cashman and Inepstein and encompasses the entire minor league system, as well as talent identification, scouting, and player development personnel.

The Yankees win that one hands down, as evidenced most recently by the fact that the Yanks had more homegrown players on their 2009 postseason roster than any other team who played in the postseason, and that doesn’t include the players they received in exchange for still more homegrown prospects and players. And there’s more on the way.


5. The Model Professional

The Yankees are just downright likable because we don’t draft, trade for or pay for simple paycheck players. They have to earn the right to wear the pinstripes. You may resent the hot chicks some of our players date or their big salaries, but you’ve got to be able to play and act like a professional if you want to wear the pinstripes.

That’s why everyone who plays for us is willing to shave, keep their hair cut, and not act or look like gorillas, gangstas, or homeless slobs—unlike some players on another team we all know mentioned elsewhere here.


4. Cooperstown Awaits

The Yankees are just downright fascinating because we not only have A-Rod, the greatest all-tool player alive, who has done it all and will own the all-time HR record before very long, but because we have the last team you’ll likely ever live to see again with at least six (and quite possibly more) future Hall of Famers.


3. Got Rings?

The Yankees are just too far ahead in the championships department for you or your kids to ever live to see the gap closed. Skipper Joe Girardi’s uniform number is downright provocative and challenging, both to the team itself and wannabe champions alike.

He now wears 28, courtesy of Curtis Granderson, who gladly relinquished it to the delight of Yankee Universe. Chalk this one up to karma, dudes. It isn’t that we have too many rings, it’s that you guys thought getting two after nearly a century of futility gave you bragging rights. How’s that system working out for you lately, by the way?

Just three more rings and you can catch the Cardinals. And just 20 more and you’ll catch us—assuming, of course, we don’t win any more over the next 84 years. Oh, and here’s just one more little fun fact: There’s been three OTHER New York teams who have combined to win more World Series rings than you have.

As you can see, there’s all sorts of reasons we just don’t find you or your team’s record of achievement quite threatening enough to bother hating you back. But we’ll be happy to Fed Ex you all the pity you so obviously relish.


2. Unparalleled Tradition Revered by All

Yankee heroes are the world’s heroes and Yankee immortals are the sport’s immortals. Unlike Sox fans, baseball’s greatest all-time non-Yankee players—and I’m including Sox heroes among them—have never expressed anything but admiration and wonderment for the Bombers’ unparallelled tradition of success.

And we think they know, understand, and appreciate the game just a wee bit more than you.


1. The Global Symbol of Free-Market Success

There just aren’t as many Yankee haters as you’d like to dream there are. Yankee merchandise is the biggest-selling team trademark in sports. In almost every MLB market, Yankee gear is the No. 1 or No. 2 selling gear, and globally it’s not even a horse race.

There aren’t enough New Yorkers living or dead combined to account for all those sales, so the concept of universal Yankee hatred is clearly a bit of a fantasy. Plus, whether you care to admit it or not, the fans of MLB’s worst teams all owe the Yanks big time because the luxury tax they pay to sign top players you’re too cheap to keep subsidizes their payrolls and seat prices, depending on whether their owners are spending it on payroll or pocketing it as profits as most do.

The fact is, Yankee haters, that you are a dim regressive minority. In every MLB stadium where they play, the cheers of local Yankee fans can be heard over the hometown broadcaster’s microphone, and their hats and shirts can be seen throughout the crowd. 

True fans of the game are amazed at the way the Yankees have managed to win about 25 percent of all World Series championships over the last century; before free agency existed and after, through the deadball era and live ball era, in every era under every circumstance.

Lastly, though I didn’t include it on my list as an official reason because it is actually no laughing matter, I’d like to mention what I believe to be the most glaring trait separating Yankee haters and Yankee fans.

Simply stated, Yankee fans have always held our own team and management accountable for their record of achievement and don’t go looking for alibis or whine about how other teams win when we don’t.

We simply demand the best from our own, and ultimately we are rewarded for it. I know it’s a novel concept, taking responsibility for one’s own successes and failures. But it works for us.

Perhaps you should try it out sometime and let us know how it works out for you.

Now why don’t you all just stop worrying about the Yankees for a change and check your rear-view mirrors. If I’m not mistaken, that’s the Rays about to blow right by you!


For more chucks and giggles, check out the musical comedy video “Joe’s Job—The Ballad of Terry Francona” here.

It’s must-see entertainment for Yankee and Sox fans alike! Go Yankees! Twenty-eight in 2010!

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