The Case for Alex Rodriguez, ‘Roids, and HGH (Humor)

April 30, 2009   ·     ·   Jump to comments
Article Source: Bleacher Report - New York Yankees

Quick, name all your friends that are worth a half-bill, are in great shape, tag all kinds of hot talent (and Madonna), and play third base for the Yankees. I thought so.
Today, more news broke about Alex Rodriguez—a.k.a. A-Fraud, A-Roid, Mr. April (pause while Skip Bayless gives about 30 more moronic nicknames). Yet another book is being released about Rodriguez, alleging he is the second coming of Barry Bonds. 
Selena Roberts’s book A-Rod suggests he did ‘roids in high school, HGH with the Yanks, that he cheated on his wife.

Not to mention he’s a bad tipper, he caused cancer, he destroyed America’s banking system, he likes Sarah Palin, he hurt KG’s knee, and he’s Tiger’s new swing coach, which is why Woods blew the Masters.
Here’s Eddie Shore’s in-depth, detailed, analysis of the book (prior to reading it): I don’t care.

In fact, I love that A-Rod used. I think he was smart to use. I think everyone should use steroids, HGH, and whatever else they can find in any Wal-Mart, meth lab, or Jose Canseco medicine cabinet.
Why? Because it’s good for you. 
Okay, maybe not long term, and the growth curve of your cranium might have some negative effects, but that’s semantics.

Booze and smoking kill your innards, and people do both of those. At least with the needle, you’re healthier short-term and you have a chance to make real jack. That’s a no-brainer.

Or as I like to call it, a Lindsay Lohan.
Think about it: Who would you rather be, A-Rod or the “clean” dude working at Wal-Mart? Oh, but A-Rod has to live with the constant heckling and scrutiny.

Yeah, I’m sure that bothers him while he drives away in his Maybach, en route to his $20 million penthouse.
How about being Roger Clemens versus some journeyman who was cut? Sure, Clemens’s legacy might be tarnished. But to badly quote Rocky Balboa (a highly underrated flick), “legacy is what people get when they don’t get paid.”

The Rocket got paid.

Would you rather be Marion Jones or the other 99 percent of track stars? Hey, Jones isn’t in jail because she used. She’s in jail because the moron lied about using.
My point is, America is built on one fundamental truth: Do whatever you want to improve your quality of life in the way you want to improve it, as long as it doesn’t impact me.

You want to eat 40 big macs? Just don’t ask me to pay for the trip to the emergency room.

You want to off yourself? Just don’t do it by driving into my car.

You want to sign a bad contract that helps run a major sport into the ground because you don’t know hockey? Wait, bad example.
Still, my point is valid.

Steroids helped everyone make money. HGH helps everyone make more money, and it helps you stay young. Ask the moral high ground people what they think of HGH when they push 60 and break a hip.

You honestly think some old-timer is going to say, “Doc, don’t give me HGH to make me feel younger, healthier, and better. I’m worried about the integrity of my shuffleboard game, and this gives me an unfair competitive advantage.”

No. They’ll say, “Shoot me up, Doc, and can I have some extra for the next 20 years? I want to look like Sylvester Stallone.”
Hell, we should all get by on HGH. You think some young punks are going to purse-snatch a 50-year-old woman if she could still lay the hammers?

I think I’ve made my point.
So, everyone, lay off A-Rod. So he juiced, so he lied about it, so he’s still juicing.

You think corporate America is any better? They just don’t televise it.


For more Eddie Shore, check out http://www.dbbsports.com/ (breaking balls every day).

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